Guest contributor Skip Bayless stopped by to give his take on another jet fueled ROTC season in the books
In the illustrious tapestry of the ROTC fantasy football league, where dreams are shattered and victories are savored, one team orchestrated a symphony of success that even the most cynical couldn’t ignore. Ladies and gentlemen, bow down to the perpetual juggernauts—Grindhouse Zombies, hoisting their fourth championship trophy like a cowboy on a victory saddle.
Balanced Brilliance or Just Dallas Magic?
Sure, Grindhouse Zombies had what some might call a “well-balanced team.” But let’s cut to the chase, shall we? It’s like saying a five-star meal is “well-cooked” when it’s prepared by a Michelin chef. CeeDee Lamb, the pride of Jerry’s World, graced the roster with his presence, catching passes as if he invented the art. Matthew Stafford, the quarterback maestro, probably threw spirals that defied the laws of physics. And don’t get me started on Travis Etienne and Breece Hall—running backs or ground-based wizards? You decide.
Trade Master or Trade Sorcerer?
Grindhouse Zombies, the undisputed masters of the deal. A dozen trades? Why not make it a baker’s dozen? The trade table resembled a Wild West saloon, and Grindhouse Zombies walked in like Clint Eastwood, guns blazing. And who were their dance partners in this fantasy tango? None other than the notorious Samurai Warriors, the trade enthusiasts who probably have more draft picks than common sense. But hey, in the ROTC league, it’s not about sense; it’s about spectacle.
Parcells Division: A Rodeo of Chaos
The Parcells Division, a battleground so intense it makes NFC East rivalries look like kindergarten tiffs. Every team, at some point, smelled the sweet nectar of playoff contention. Even the GAME, the dark horse of unpredictability, made a play that would’ve left Nostradamus scratching his head. And yes, the Hitmen finally broke their playoff maiden, though the victory champagne had to wait. But hey, when you’re in the same division as the Zombies, even a playoff appearance is a victory worth celebrating.
History Made and Remade
In a season dripping with historical significance, the Angels missed their first playoff dance, and Rob clinched another “oh-so-close-to-victory” record with a mesmerizing 1-14 performance. Ah, the symmetry of misery. Speed and Jack Passers combined for a whopping 26 losses, making 2011’s record of 25 losses look like child’s play. And speaking of records, the Flaming Chankla Chuckers flirted with history like a rom-com protagonist, securing a 13-win season, just one shy of a record set when fantasy football was still figuring out if it was cool.
Zombies: Second Best, But Still the Cowboys of Fantasy Football
Grindhouse Zombies, always the bridesmaid, never the bride in overall points scored. Sure, the numbers may be slightly skewed with an extra game, but who cares about that when you’re in the company of greatness? They fell just two points short of Ramrod’s 2017 record, a mere hiccup for a team that breathes excellence.
Rookie Sensation and Bench-Sitting Blunders
CJ Stroud, the rookie sensation, dropping 55-plus points in a single game. Who would’ve thought? Probably the same people who believed Tony Romo was a playoff magician. Oh, how the tables turn. And then there’s the EH Team’s De’Von Achane, unleashing a 52-point storm from the bench. A move that would make even the Cowboys’ clock management decisions look like strokes of genius. Coincidentally, they lost that game by three points. You can almost hear the collective facepalm echoing in fantasy circles.
Positional Royalty and Dallas Cowboys Allegiance
Let’s take a look at the superstars at the top of the heat in each position. Josh Allen ruling the QB realm like a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader leading a halftime show. Christian McCaffrey dancing through defenses like a line-dancing maestro at a Texan hoedown. Tyreek Hill catching passes like he’s auditioning for the next Dallas Cowboys cheer squad. And let’s not forget Sam LaPorta, TJ Watt, Foyesade Oluokun, and Jessie Bates, the unsung heroes holding their positions like the Great Wall of Jerry’s World.
In the grand tapestry of ROTC fantasy football, Grindhouse Zombies etched their name not just as champions but as the Dallas Cowboys of fantasy—a force to be reckoned with, a spectacle to be enjoyed, and a team that makes even the skeptics tip their imaginary Stetsons. Here’s to another season of Zombies domination, where the star on the helmet shines just as bright in the fantasy realm as it does on the field.