2024 Pre-Season Analysis

We’re not done with the draft, but you’re slow and I’m bored, so here are my picks for the 2024 season:

AFC Vermeil

1. Samurai Warriors – is this the year? Is this finally the year that Samurai gets his well-earned trophy? He is strong at almost every position, and I expect that he will shore those weaknesses over the next couple of weeks.  He’s going to cruise 6-0 in the division without breaking a sweat.  Keep reading to see if he goes any further…
2. Fast Eddy’s Chili – one of the weaker FEC teams by my memory. I expect to see a scary stable of WRs when I review FEC’s lineup, but not this year. I’m not sold on Harrison being worth the 1.06 spot.  The keepers (Mahomes, Barkley, Kamara, Metcalf) will squeak FEC into the playoffs due to the weak conference opponents, but he won’t get far.
3. Jeepsters – In any other division, Jeepsters might be in the basement. Weak keepers were followed by a very weak draft, and here we are in the 19^th round, and he only has 2 LBs, one of which is DeMarvion Overshown. More like LB Overlooked.  Well, at least he’ll get a couple of wins over the Silverbacks.  Regardless, this team looks destined for the Toilet Bowl.
4. Carnivorous Silverbacks – also Toilet Bowl bound. Seriously, what was CS thinking after the obvious Tyreek Hill pick? Yuck.  Maybe 1-2 wins IF Fields takes over the starting QB spot in Pittsburgh and he just goes off.  Time to start planning for 2025.

AFC – Dungy

1. Drunken Badgers – unfortunately for the others in this division, Drunken Badgers did enough to maintain the top spot in the division for another year. Elite keepers and timely draft picks make the Badgers a legitimate challenger in 2024. This team is going to score a lot of points this season.
2. Ramrod Red Devils – this appears to be an above-average team that will get stronger as the year progresses. I am jealous of this team – strong from top to bottom.  I think some early losses may keep them out of first place, but Craig definitely has a playoff team here.
3. Speed – I can’t understate what a great job Bob has done in rebuilding his team. No way he goes 1-14 again.  I’m impressed with the team he’s put together.  The team is almost a playoff team, but in this conference, what he has just is not quite enough.
4. Philippine Seminoles – Rookie, you suck! Kidding! (not kidding) LOL Eric was left with a dumpster fire of a roster, but he did a good job in starting the Year One rebuilding. QB play might surprise and provide some extra wins.  I think everyone will be watching Rodgers for sure.  Keep it up rookie – you’re on the right track!

NFC Landry

1. Angels of Harlem – I only picked Angels because Matt said he’d give me an extra $100 waiver bucks if I picked him for the championship. Okay, that is absolutely not true. The truth is that of all the divisions, I had the hardest time picking a winner in this division.  When it comes down to it, Angels just has it where it counts and is adequate everywhere else.  He has 3 of the top 8 LBs from 2023.  That’s stupid good.
2. Flaming Chankla Chuckers – above-average team with some real studs sprinkled throughout. Gene will definitely push for the division but I just can’t put him there with so little game history on Anthony Richardson and a WR room who’s only stud is a guy who may not be all that motivated to play for his current team (Aiyuk).
3. The Eh-Team – don’t stare at his WRs too long or you’ll burn out your retinas. Damn. Those WRs are going to hurt a lot of owner’s feelings before the season is over. I think the difference between division ranking 3 and 1 or 2 is whether Achane can repeat this early 2023 scoring.  He had over 100 points in 3 games (weeks 3-5) but I think he might end up closer to the 35 points he scored in weeks 13-16, and that’s IF he can stay healthy.   I think the Eh-Team just barely misses the playoffs, but like I said before, it’s possible this team might ride the Achane lightning all the way to the top!
4. Jack Passers – still in rebuild mode. I love the 1.01 pick of Hurts. Most of the other players have questions whether it’s being on a new team or older and may be declining or younger and may be rising.  If all that can meet in the middle, maybe the team can squeeze out a few more wins, but that’s unlikely considering how strong this division is.

NFC – Parcells

1. Grindhouse Zombies – the 2023 Champion returns in strength to defend his title. Did you know that between 2013 and 2018, the Zombiemeister was in the championship game 5 of those 6 years? He won 3 Titles in that time (in a row!).  That’s not luck, and it’s not a single set of keepers.  That is a string of quality picks, and as always, a healthy dose of luck.  But when you have a solid roster, luck will follow you.  Josh is starting a new run, and he’s going to begin his title defense with taking the division for another year, and with that division being the best division in ROTC, the Zombies really are the best of the best.
2. G.A.M.E. – Yo Barry! Very well done buddy – brilliant drafting this year! I really love the picks and where they were taken.  G.A.M.E. was in 4^th place in the division last season, but that was with an 8-7 record, so that tells you how tough this division is.  I think this roster gets the 1 or 2 extra wins it will take to get into the playoffs in 2024.
3. Dark Phoenix – the rebuild continues. Not as bad as the Toilet Bowl team from 2 years ago, and maybe even an improvement over the 2023 team, but just not enough to overtake the Evil Zombie Empire. It’s not outside the realm of possibilities that IF this happens and IF that happens, then the Dark Phoenix rises, but more likely, it’s a winning season off weak non-conference games and nothing more.
4. Hitmen – started with some great keepers, but that’s just not enough in the best division in ROTC. He’ll beat up on teams in the other divisions, but it feels like he needs upgrades at 2 or 3 positions to make the playoffs.

AFC Playoffs

#1 seed Samurai beats #4 Chili, but it’s not much of a contest.  #3 seed Ramrod and his late-season surging team upsets #2 conference rival Badgers .  Samurai beats Ramrod in the AFC Conference Championship and returns to the title game for the first time in 4 years.

NFC Playoffs

#1 seed Zombies take out the #4 seed Chunkers.  #2 seed Angels beat #3 GAME.  Zombies take the conference over Angels.  All 4 of these games are going to be like heavyweight boxing matches.  These team are loaded!

Title Games

The Silverbacks continue the Season of Pain and lose to Jeepsters, earning the detested Toilet Bowl trophy.

Samurai…LOSES to the Zombies who, as predicted, keep the trophy for another year.  I hate myself for picking a favorite because it feels like a sellout, but that Zombies team is just too strong!